Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
