Whatcha textin bout Willis?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I don't think brook has ever known best
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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