part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
