my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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