M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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