If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
