It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
