It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
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he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
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I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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