Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
