Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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