Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just found puke in my bra..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
