One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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