That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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