Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
