I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
