hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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