OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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