Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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