I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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