so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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