VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
