sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
