I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
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He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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