I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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