Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
