so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
