So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
