he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
