so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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