Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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