Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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