What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
