official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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