I woke up to her vacumming the grass
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
