I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
