WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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