just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
