i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
