so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
