I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
