no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
