Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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