The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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