i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
what the fuck happened to the tacos
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
