Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize