Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize