Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
