I am puke
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
