I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
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You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
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