Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
