I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
