Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
