oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i out mim tonsoeep
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