ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
