Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
