The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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