Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
