Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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