its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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