Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
