Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
