if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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