I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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