the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
