The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
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easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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